Kids Sports
Lucky SportsKids
A couple of weeks ago I went to the All-Star Game with my Dad, who grew up in Pittsburgh, and my two sons, Benji and Bobby. We had a great time going to the Fan Fest, the Home Run Derby and the Game. PNC Park is one of the best new parks and we all had a great few days of baseball and camaraderie across three generations. During the course of the game, and watching some of
the events during the past few weeks, it's become apparent just how lucky we are.
Sitting in front of me during the game was a guy claiming to have come from Alaska just for the all-star spectacle. He'd certainly had a few beers before the game, kept drinking throughout, and was something of a spectacle himself. He had a sign berating Manny Ramirez for not making an appearance in spite getting the most votes of any AL player. He was emotionally moved during the ceremony celebrating Roberto Clemente's life. Through the drinking, sign waving and stammering, he happened to get in a very poignant remark: "You're sooooo lucky! I'm here alone and you got your two boys and your dad too; three generations sitting here! I got no kids of my own, wow, lucky guy!"
He was absolutely right because all the events in our life, big and small, are about sharing with those that we care about. We've talked about how sports help create a bond through generations (SportsKids.com Archive Link) and it is evident everywhere. 
Tiger Woods' recent victory at the British Open should be a stark reminder to all of us of how precious and fleeting our special moments are. Most people are familiar with the relationship between Tiger and his dad, Earl. Not only did Earl teach Tiger every aspect of the game, he was also Tiger's role model and best friend. They had the type of relationship that most of us want with our children and parents. After winning the British Open, the first major he won after Earl died of cancer, Tiger couldn't control his emotions: the feelings of happiness and sorrow came pouring out as he hugged his caddy with tears streaming. It was one of the most honest moments we'll ever share.
Many people who don't have kids can't understand the relationship and bond that parents and their children share. I never realized how much my parents cared until I had the perspective of loving my own children. Without this viewpoint, people could misinterpret time spent playing and watching sports with kids as a misguided attempt to live vicariously through them. Whether its ballet, the arts, sports, a spelling bee or an academic decathlon, most parents view these shared interests as time well spent bonding with their kids. While TV shows may try to put a negative spin on a parental involvement, most of us have it well under control and realize that we're having fun and building long lasting memories with our kids. We understand that the odds of winning thelottery are better than our kids becoming professional athletes but it doesn't diminish our enjoyment of being with them.
While there are lots of success stories like Tiger Woods, Mickey Mantle and Bob Feller who had great relationships with their fathers who were influential in teaching them the game, many portray father-son relationship building through sports as being more akin to the fabled story of Todd Marinovich whose father plotted his NFL career from birth. Todd's father Marv, an ex-USC star athlete, NFL lineman and coach, began programming his son and never let him have a Big Mac or watch cartoons. Many may feel that those are good things, but while Marinovich ended up as a first round draft pick of the Raiders, he also became a drug addict and spent time in jail for possession of marijuana. Enjoying being with your children and sharing common interests and experiences should be considered very positive. My friend, Steve, who I coach basketball with, and I often comment how we prefer watching our sons play to attending a Lakers game. It's done for creating a bond - not creating a professional athlete.
Adam Sandler's movie "Click" also talks about the idea that time goes fast and it's important to enjoy the small moments in life with your family; if you go through on "autopilot" then you end up missing the best parts of your life. While it's crucial to maintain a balance and not be either "all work" or "all play", the realization that time doesn't stop should allow us to focus on our family. Shared interests, common goals and playing together, in sports, school, drama or any other endeavor is an important element of building long lasting multi-generational bonds.
The Value of Losing
Congratulations to the Pittsburgh Steelers who won the Super Bowl and became champions of the world for a record tying 5th time.
It must have been great to hoist the Lombardi Trophy as the hapless Seahawks looked on in defeat. What a bunch of losers falling flat on their face like a baby first learning to walk. Of course, they did finish 2nd best - ahead of the other 30 losing teams that didn't even win their conference. While some may consider the NFC champs to have had a successful season, Tom Seaver once wrote: "there are only two places an athlete can finish - first place and no place". How about Vince Lombardi who said: "Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser". Even in the world sports, where it really is about winning, or in life, this can't be the way we think. As a looking glass into real life, when 31 NFL teams, representing the best players in the world, are all looking up at the Champion Steelers, we all need to find and understand the value of losing.
Everybody Loses
While being a loser requires that you lose, the corollary that losing makes you a loser is certainly false. Vince Lombardi is known as one of the greatest and most intense coaches in history. Of course, most of us know Coach Lombardi's famous quote: "Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing". While he always put that kind of emphasis on winning, most of us don't know that he also said: "If you can't accept losing, you can't win." While we all like to win much more than we like to lose, in order to play and be a part of something greater, we have to be willing to take the risk that we might lose. It has to be accepted that losing is a natural a part of participating and of winning.
Why It’s Okay to Lose
While not necessarily intuitive, there are many reasons why we can feel good about losing and I want to focus on two of these: the first and most obvious reason to lose is because it will help us to win; the second reason to lose is that it helps us to win in life.
Losing creates opportunity. Every loss has more lessons about what a team or individual can do to improve than any win. Losing also provides more motivation. Winning tends to cause people to overlook errors in judgment and fundaments that only losing can reveal. It's through the process that individuals and teams can discern areas to work on through practice to improve. Maybe even more important is that losing forces people to recognize that they want to win. The motivation provided by losing is a key to helping teams work harder in practice to improve and to play harder to win. Coach John Wooden's Pyramid of Success (January, 2006) emphasizes that success isn't winning or losing, but the self satisfaction derived from doing your best to be the best of which you are capable. Both winning and losing should inspire an individual to improve and to maximize their potential. By using losses in this way, we can motivate ourselves and others.
We can also use these lessons to improve other aspects of our life because losing is as much a part of every day life as it is a natural experience of playing sports. As parents, we make such an effort to help our kids feel better and to not let them experience failures. Ultimately, by not acknowledging their shortcomings, mistakes and losses, we don't allow them to live up to their potential. Failing is natural and it creates motivation. Without failing, kids may not see the need to work harder to improve. Telling kids that they have a "good eye" when the pitch is over the backstop, or saying "nice try" after a mistake may seem encouraging. However, we should also understand that it can be fine to let them know that a mistake has been made. When an error is made we can acknowledge it and then work to learn from the mistake and ultimately to improve.
It must have been great to hoist the Lombardi Trophy as the hapless Seahawks looked on in defeat. What a bunch of losers falling flat on their face like a baby first learning to walk. Of course, they did finish 2nd best - ahead of the other 30 losing teams that didn't even win their conference. While some may consider the NFC champs to have had a successful season, Tom Seaver once wrote: "there are only two places an athlete can finish - first place and no place". How about Vince Lombardi who said: "Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser". Even in the world sports, where it really is about winning, or in life, this can't be the way we think. As a looking glass into real life, when 31 NFL teams, representing the best players in the world, are all looking up at the Champion Steelers, we all need to find and understand the value of losing.
Everybody Loses
While being a loser requires that you lose, the corollary that losing makes you a loser is certainly false. Vince Lombardi is known as one of the greatest and most intense coaches in history. Of course, most of us know Coach Lombardi's famous quote: "Winning isn't everything; it's the only thing". While he always put that kind of emphasis on winning, most of us don't know that he also said: "If you can't accept losing, you can't win." While we all like to win much more than we like to lose, in order to play and be a part of something greater, we have to be willing to take the risk that we might lose. It has to be accepted that losing is a natural a part of participating and of winning.
Why It’s Okay to Lose
While not necessarily intuitive, there are many reasons why we can feel good about losing and I want to focus on two of these: the first and most obvious reason to lose is because it will help us to win; the second reason to lose is that it helps us to win in life.
Losing creates opportunity. Every loss has more lessons about what a team or individual can do to improve than any win. Losing also provides more motivation. Winning tends to cause people to overlook errors in judgment and fundaments that only losing can reveal. It's through the process that individuals and teams can discern areas to work on through practice to improve. Maybe even more important is that losing forces people to recognize that they want to win. The motivation provided by losing is a key to helping teams work harder in practice to improve and to play harder to win. Coach John Wooden's Pyramid of Success (January, 2006) emphasizes that success isn't winning or losing, but the self satisfaction derived from doing your best to be the best of which you are capable. Both winning and losing should inspire an individual to improve and to maximize their potential. By using losses in this way, we can motivate ourselves and others.
We can also use these lessons to improve other aspects of our life because losing is as much a part of every day life as it is a natural experience of playing sports. As parents, we make such an effort to help our kids feel better and to not let them experience failures. Ultimately, by not acknowledging their shortcomings, mistakes and losses, we don't allow them to live up to their potential. Failing is natural and it creates motivation. Without failing, kids may not see the need to work harder to improve. Telling kids that they have a "good eye" when the pitch is over the backstop, or saying "nice try" after a mistake may seem encouraging. However, we should also understand that it can be fine to let them know that a mistake has been made. When an error is made we can acknowledge it and then work to learn from the mistake and ultimately to improve.